Before we get into the super fun memes on Monday to celebrate the anniversary of Captain Cook’s death, I wanted to give some…

2022-02-15

Before we get into the super fun memes on Monday to celebrate the anniversary of Captain Cook’s death, I wanted to give some backstory because the events surrounding his demise are greatly misinterpreted and misunderstood, especially in the Western world.

Captain Cook arrived in Hawai’i durning Makahiki. This celebration lasts around four months, and rings in the New Year. This celebration focuses on rest and rejuvenation, and labor and warfare were forbidden. Days were set aside for large feasts, parties, sports, dance and for rest, with many ceremonies and prayers being held/given all the time.

The bay where Cook harbored belonged to Lono, the Hawaiian god who was honored durning Makahiki. Due to this, Kānaka Maoli assumed Cook was a gift from Lono, he was a friend to help increase the celebrations and joy. However, tensions quickly rose when Cook and his men didn’t participate any other traditions besides partying. In short, they were terrible guests. Cook destroyed a sacred burial site to steal wood and was just a massive dick. Cook had incorrectly assumed the Hawaiians mistook him for a god, and treated acts of friendship like worship and used that as an excuse to act however he wanted.

Cook and his men left Hawai’i on but had to return a week later due to damage on their boat. But this time, Makahiki was over, and everyone had fallen back into routines of daily life and labor. The season of Kū had started, the Hawaiian god of warfare. By returning after Makahiki and durning the season of war and politics, Cook unknowingly revealed that he was NOT a gift from Lono, which upset the Kānaka Maoli since they had been tricked.

Cook demanded the Hawaiians fix his boat, but they refused. Cook refused to leave until his boat was fixed, and tensions continued to grow. Hawaiians then stole a longboat from Cook along with other items.

In an attempt to barter for the longboat back, Captain Cook tried to kidnap Kalaniʻōpuʻu, the aliʻi nui (supreme chief) of Hawai’i at the time. When Cook and his men went to retrieve Kalaniʻōpuʻu, the chief and lower chiefs wrongly assumed Cook was taking them back to his ship to barter a treaty. However, by the time they reached the bay, it became obvious that Cook was trying to kidnap, not negotiate. A struggle began. Many Hawaiians soon came to the beach, trying to revive the ali’i nui including serval lower chiefs. It quickly became a tense mob. Cook struck a chief and the crew raised their guns and in return, the chief pushed Cook to the ground. While on the ground, Cook and his men were mobbed, and in the crowd, Cook was stabbed with a metal dagger, which was allegedly given to the Hawaiians on Cooks first visit.

While the crew was busy, several Hawaiians dragged Cook’s corpse off the beach to an unknown location. There his body was burned, leaving his bones to be gathered to steal his mana, or power. Mana is a life force with gives influence, power, and authority. Mana can be gained or lost, and it is stored in the bones. After someone’s death, small bones would be turned into jewelry for their loved ones, so their mana could be held by their family even after their death. A few of Cook’s bones were given back to his crew as they had the right to inherit his power. This began the rumor of c*nnibalism, as the crew didn’t understand why they would need his bones.

The crew remained for another week without incident, until they could repair their boat fully.

In summary, James “haole bitch“ Cook got exactly what he deserved and my ancestors did everyone a favor ❤️